I went to a sleep study today. Er, well, last night. My doctor recommended one because I’m tired all the time. Of course, it’s possible that I might be tired all the time because I am huge and fat and don’t eat well, but hey, a sleep study was worth a shot, right?
WRONG. Well, I mean, I haven’t gotten the results yet so I don’t know if I have sleep apnea or not, but it was so miserable that I never want to do it again.
Here’s what happened: I was scheduled to arrive at 8:30, which I did. After some signatures at the reception desk I was led to my room, which wasn’t so bad. It had a big TV and a queen bed and nice wood floors (that I would like to put in my future condo if I ever get one). I’m in there waiting for an hour and finally some guy walks in and tells me he’ll be my sleep tech. I guess this was the guy that the receptionist was screaming at 15 minutes ago because he was late and omg scheduled at 8:30 and why didn’t he show up when they had 5 patients to see?! Ookay. Anyway, he takes my blood pressure and pulse and all that stuff. After I change into my pajamas he sits me in a chair and starts wrapping a tape measure all around my head. And marking me up with a red pencil. And basically rubbing all over me. Which wasn’t so bad because he was sort of cute and smelled really nice.
An hour later I’m covered with sticky shit and electrodes and there are things shoved in my nose and mouth and I’m instructed to go to bed.
HA. HA HA HAH AHAHAHA. IMPOSSIBLE. Okay, seriously, I only sleep good when I’m on my stomach and there’s no way to sleep with all that shit covering me (I was covered in crap from my head down to my legs), especially when one of the things shoved into my nose can’t touch one of the other things shoved in my nose. Sleeping on my stomach with my face shoved in the pillow (just the way I like it, oooh yeah) is out of the question. I moved once to try and get more comfortable and ripped two wires out and he had to come back in the room and put them back in, so I ended up just staying in the same position for the next six hours.
I woke up about a thousand times it felt like and barely slept at all. He wakes me up at 5 and takes all the wires off and I’m left with sticky goop all over my face and hair (no jokes, perverts!). The sticky shit in my hair is nearly impossible to wash out and two shampoos later I’m STILL finding it. It’s gross. It’s sort of like wax only really really sticky like glue. Anyway, he leaves some paperwork for me and I start to fill it out but realize it was LAST NIGHT’S paperwork. After an hour of waiting I wander out to the reception area because I’m pretty sure he forgot about me. We make an appointment to see the doctor in a week and a half (which I will have to leave work early for because there were no other times available). Then he gets me the right paperwork, I fill it out, and finally leave.
And then came home, tried to wash the goop out of my hair, and slept for another 7 hours.
Also I had a dentist appointment yesterday morning and only had one cavity, yay me! Of course, no cavities are better, but one isn’t so bad. And my insurance covers 100% of fillings (even though the benefits lady told me last time that it was over $100 for four of them, GOD WHAT A LIAR, I HATE HER) and somehow I had a credit on my account which covered the deductible so I ended up paying nothing yesterday. The office just emailed me about 15 minutes ago, actually, wanting me to take a survey and tell them how my visit was, so I took the opportunity to bitch about my last visit which totally sucked because the benefits lady is a lying liar bitchface who tries to rip me off every time I go.
I’m sure none of this made sense because I’m tired and still cranky and there’s STILL STICKY SHIT IN MY HAIR and I want to cry a little. 🙁