so.

Things that are good:

1. I bought a stupidly expensive curling iron but it turned out to be a really good investment because I can curl my hair in like 20 minutes and it looks REALLY FUCKING CUTE. This is a big deal for me because for the longest time my hair routine consisted of washing my hair at night, letting it dry naturally, and combing it once in the morning. I’ve discovered in the last year and a half that being girly is fun.
2. Fleece sheets.
3. Medication withdrawal IS FINALLY OVER. Oh God, I seriously thought I was not going to make it through that.
4. Just dusted the inside of my computer and it is running much better now.
5. My sister cleaned out her room which leaves it empty for me to turn into my library. Just need another bookshelf and I am good to go.

Things that are bad:

1. Friendship with a certain person came to an end recently. I wouldn’t say I’m sad about this, more mad at myself for letting him treat me badly for so long. Sometimes I get lonely and let people walk all over me just so I’m not lonely anymore and that is pretty stupid.
2. My nails are still fucked up from when I had acrylics and I WISH THEY WOULD JUST GROW OUT ALREADY AND STOP LOOKING SO UGLY.
3. My new medication was not really working out for me and now I basically give up on finding something that works for me without awful side effects.
4. I gave up on NaNoWriMo halfway through. I am a little bummed about this because I had what I thought was a really good idea but it just didn’t work out and I was finding myself way too stressed out over it.
5. I realized concerts are not really my thing. I hate standing for hours behind an eight foot tall fifteen year old listening to bands I’ve never heard of just to hear one band I really like. Seeing Yellowcard was fun but the whole concert experience turned me off so much that I skipped seeing one of my all time favourite bands (New Found Glory yay!). Bummer.

So. That’s life. I need a hug.

right now.

I just painted my nails metallic silver. I look like a robot. Sort of.

Condo hunt: off. I am going to live at home forever and die choking on a McNugget.

NaNoWriMo: slowly coming along. As of this very second I have 13,051 words, putting me at 26% done and only 3,616 words behind.

Life: kinda lame.

THE END.

Well then.

Remember when I was like “yay! I found an antidepressant that works! I sure do hope my insurance covers it!”?

Yeah. THAT DID NOT HAPPEN.

Which is okay, because I was afraid the blurry vision side effect was going to be permanent and it stopped working anyway. I probably could’ve tried a higher dose but why bother when my insurance company won’t cover it?

So, I am currently going through withdrawals. I’ve gone through SSRI withdrawals before and they weren’t pleasant, but I did not feel nearly as bad as this. I’ve been having extremely vivid dreams, so vivid that I don’t even feel like I’m sleeping and wake up even more tired. So not only am I tired, but I’m having the “brain zaps” side effect of withdrawal, which basically means it feels like my brain is rattling around in my head. I’m basically crazy right now and there’s nothing I can do about it. And, yay, I get to experience at least three more weeks of this! Drugs, you are so awesome!

My doctor gave me a prescription for another type of antidepressant and I am feeling so miserable just coming off the last one that I am hesitant to go on another.

Oh, by the way… it’s November! You know what that means, right? NATIONAL NOVEL WRITING MONTH, HELLO?!

The withdrawal is making it hard for me to do this already, just because I want to sleep 24 hours a day. So far I’m pretty on track, and I know that even if I skip today I could easily catch up. I mean, last year I’d skip days in a row and then come back and write like, one million in a sitting, so I’m not too worried about it.

You know what helps, though? Having friends who are understanding. I’m glad they’re aware that I’m pretty much nuts right now and are okay with that. And then, of course, there’s that friend that doesn’t offer any kind of support and just lectures me on how he thinks medications are bad. Yeah, okay, dude. Try feeling as shitty as I do on a daily basis and let’s see how you feel about medication then. Asshole.

Where was I?

Well, the condo hunt has stalled out a bit. There have been some changes, though, changes I am pretty psyched about. I wanted at least two bedrooms all along and I never thought that was possible, because the person lending me the money via a private mortgage only wanted to lend me enough for a one bedroom. But then I mysteriously came into some money (like, a lot of money, not a few hundred) and can now afford a two bedroom! So excited! A one bedroom is easier because I could just pay for it myself, move in, and not have to owe anyone money, but I REALLY want (and probably need) more than one bedroom, so I’m going to borrow SOME money. I am super excited about having an office/library/painting studio.

Why painting studio? I AM GLAD YOU ASKED. I recently decided I need a hobby. I spend a ridiculous amount of time doing nothing (like, literally nothing) and that has to stop. So painting it is! I feel like it is fairly cheap (I got everything I needed on Amazon for under $90) and something I could have fun doing without trying to be good at. I need to do something creative besides writing, you know?

I only got the paints, brushes, and canvas in the mail today, so I haven’t started anything yet. The time I should have spent painting my first picture was spent accidentally napping in bed. Whoops?

Life is just so… weird. You know? Yeah, you know.